i thought it was him

i thought it was him, my mr. right and my future groom; the man i thought i would be spending the rest of my life. i had never thought and never expected that our paths would cross the way it goes. i just met him online when he sent message on my profile in the website that my cousin had introduced to me. i just don't know but i could only say and feel that he's totally different from other guys i met online. my instinct really says he's gentleman enough to put my trust on him, put so much credence in anything he says and be comfortable with him. our mere acquaintances bloomed into deeper intimacy when almost everyday we would chat and send offline messages. we met last march 2009 when i got back to work after a couple of days on leave when my college bestfriend took a forlough from her work in dubai.

we had talked and shared almost everything in life. work, love, home, family, friends, secrets and dreams are some of the things we had shared and talked about. whenever he got busy or some activities need to attend to, he would just let me know of his whereabouts. to sum and to describe it in a simple way i could say we have mutual understanding. it means that we're more than friends and less than lovers. but deep inside i knew from my heart that this would have turned into a much deeper relationship. words are not enough to describe and express my feelings when finally we became lovers. since then our life is really a great one filled with so much love and inspiration. we had started nurturing our relationship through chatting more than a couple of times everyday and uttering words of love and care for each other. until one day, he proposed marriage but then i told him i want to be sure of ourselves first by seeing each other, getting to know more and having a tete-a-tete (heart-to-heart talk) before we commit ourselves for a timeless and unending commitment. i asked him to wait till we meet in person when he arrives here in philippines for business trip and i'm so glad when he says he would.

while waiting for the day of his arrival, i'm on tenterhook but enthusiastic knowing it will be the first meeting day for us. i thought our relationship is a perfect one and will not be having any problem until one day, i found out something fishy about him that it really bothered me. i want answers from him so i told him what i've found out. and i never thought that he would be mad about such thing. i felt sorry for what had happened and told him that it doesn't mean i don't believed on him. but then he just left me with nothing but a single word "bye". since then, i am quite crazy thinking what precisely the truth is because i have still unanswered questions in mind. he never replied on my emails nor sent messages on my mobile phone which he used to do.

until now, we never meet in person though i knew he's already here in philippines. likewise, i've never heard anything from him. i waited for months hoping he would responded but it was really frustrating and depressing when i got nothing but pure silence. i would not disavow that tears falling from my eyes, that i'm hurting inside, that pain, frustration and suffering overwhelmed me. it adds to my distress and despondency whenever i think of his proposal and our intention of getting married and building a life filled with love and simplicity knowing that it would just plunged beyond the bounds of possibility. no matter how it hurts, i should accept and bear the pain of losing someone i thought he was the one for me, come to realize that it's time to bid goodbye and letting him go. only then, i could ameliorate and lessen the heartache and distress, could find the courage to move on and finally could start in building a brand new and fresh leaf of life with hope and faith without him but with GOD. 

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